Nicholas Cage in Death City Enhanced Edition
by JTM Honeycombs
Summary: Before you read this let me just say... this is definitly the worst story I could ever write. That is if you can even consider it a story. But I hope you all like it and if you want me to make more of this kind of stuff let me know.


Nicholas Cage in Death City Enhanced Edition

After he got off the plane Nicholas Cage took a long HARD gander at Death City. The air smelled like Asura's left testicle, but did that stop Nicholas Cage? Ha ha ha ha HAH NO! He backflipped into the city Like a Boss.

As he ventured DEEPER into the city Nicholas came across a sexy witch named Blair, whose clothing seems to get skankier along the seasons. Nicholas somersaulted to her and said "Sup girl."

"Oh hey there…" Blair replied, with a voice so seductive that baby goat were suddenly getting analy raped by gimps dressed like kittens. Nicholas and Blair swagged around the city for a decade and stopped when they got to a tall, oddly shaped and surprisingly symmetrical building known as:

Death Weapon Meister Academy.

When Nicholas and Blair got to the front of DWMA they got so tired from crawling up the steps that they puked out bowling balls. But before they could enter the academy Nicholas heard a voice behind him say "Yo! Who the fuck are you?!" Nicholas turned around and saw Death the Kid, Liz and Patty. And then the Nick-A-Nator punched Kid in the face, kicked him in the ballsack and ripped off his left arm. Kid ran away like a little FUCKING pussy.

Nicholas picked up the arm, looked at Blair and asked:

"What do we do with it?"

"How about we make it into a pumpkin pie?"

"Fuck pumpkin pie, I have a better idea."

Nicholas took the arm and left Blair. When he came back 60 years later he was carrying a birthday cake bigger than Black Star's Ego.

"This is gonna blow their minds!"

"Looks heavy…"

"That's why you're here."

Nicholas shoved the cake into Blair's arms like an asshole full of boomerangs and amputated legs.

As Nicholas strutted through the halls of the academy accompanied by Blair carrying a bigass birthday cake, they came across a faggy classroom called: Class Crescent Moon. "This place is PERFECT!" said Nicholas in the Cage. But before Nicholas could even reach for the door Marie came out of nowhere, jumped onto Nicholas Cage and made out with him for 8 months.

"Happy Birthday everyone!" Nicholas said as he brought the bigass birthday cake into the classroom. Professor Franken Stein stared deep into the soul of the birthday cake and said "Is that Death the Kid flavored birthday cake? I FUCKING LOVE THAT SHIT!" Everyone was given a slice of Death the Kid flavored birthday cake. As Nicholas looked around the room he saw the faces of everyone eating his cake. Ox's mind literally exploded just from taking a bite of the cake. Blair thought the cake was so delicious that she started having sex with Marie. Soul noticed this and had a nosebleed. Excalibur thought it could use more cinnamon. Hero gave two thumbs up. Sid ate thirteen slices and puked up one of Kid's fingers. Black Star and Tsubaki started killing people just for the fuck of it. And Maka thought it tasted like PURE BOOTY.

After a long day of eating Death the Kid flavored birthday cake, Nicholas and friends went to a Drive-In movie theater. They saw the movie "Pacific Rim" and Nicholas thought it was so EPIC that he cried tears of jizz. He cried so HARD that everyone at the theater started eating their own toes.

After the movie Nicholas decided to kill some starving orphans. However he was rudely stopped by Marie who asked "Hey you wanna come back to my place, and FUCK?!" Nicholas didn't really want to so he said "Sure, we'll do it harder than Dark Souls!" "Can we join?" said, Soul, Maka, Black Star, Tsubaki, Kid, Liz, Patty, Death, Spirit, Blair, Justin, Azusa, Franken Stein, Asura, Medusa, Eruka, Mizune, Free, Crona, Ragnarok, Aracne, Mosquito, Giriko, Mifune, Eibon, Sid, Excalibur, Hero, and that little devil guy from Soul's Nightmares, all in perfect unison. "Sure!" said Nickylas Cage as they all crammed into a peach colored clown car and drove off running over some starving orphans in the process.

When they got to Stein's Laboratory they started ripping off each others clothes.

Soul bent Maka over and gave her an extraordinary rimjob. Black Star joyfully rubbed oil all over Tsubaki's tender breasts. Kid had a threesome with Liz and Patty. Franken Stein shoved analbeads into Aracne's asshole and pulled it out through Medusa's vagina. Free humped the ever living shit out of Mizune and Eruka, like the proud werewolf man he is. Death and Spirit fucked Blair front and back. Blair let out a raging orgasm. Asura drilled the little devil guy's asshole. The sexual energy eminating from Excalibur and Eibon caused everyone to vomit rainbows. Sid, Hero, Mifune, Giriko, Mosquito, Crona, Ragnarok, Justin and Azusa made a congo line of balls-deep ass fucking. And finally, Nicholas and Marie made such passionate love that even Aphrodite cannot surpass the passion.

It was a long, hard, orgasmic orgy. Everyone left feeling more tired than college students in a three hour lecture. Their bodies were pentatrated, bloody, scarred and just fucking gross.

Nicholas Cage and Marie were laying on the ceiling. "That was amazing…" Marie said exhasted from the orgy. "That's how I roll baby," said Nicholas Cage "that's how I roll." And so Marie leaned close to him, gave him a hug and kiss, shanked him 88 times in the chest, left the knife in his chest, said goodnight and fell asleep. And as he slowly fell into a coma Nicholas Cage felt happy knowing he had the best day ever… then he shit the bed.

The End!


End file.
